And So It Begins
by amyelizabeeth
Summary: Chapter One: Clare Edwards, Meet Eli Goldsworthy.  POV: Clare Edwards.
1. Chapter 2

"You know, this is stupid"... I ranted, "I don't need anyone editing my work, there is nothing wrong with it."

"Actually, Edwards, If I'm not mistaken, you received a "C", so just relax and let me read it over."

I really didn't mind that Eli was proof reading my English assignment, and the fact that I received a "C" didn't bother me either, but something about having this boy sitting at my kitchen table put my stomach in knots. I barely even know him!

"What do you mean by this? "

He leaned in closer and pointed to one of the very obvious grammatically incorrect run on sentences that I scribbled down late last night.

"I don't know, you're the one editing it! " I snapped back sarcastically, which I immediately regret.

He just kept reading. I don't know why I was being so mean to him. I felt like I was back in grade four when all the boys would pull my pig tails for attention. He picked up his red pen and hesitantly circled a word: "infatuaton". As if he didn't know what I meant.

"It's good Clare, you're getting it. Maybe you should just work a little more on your last topic, it's... lacking"

I could not believe I was actually taking academic advice from Eli Goldsworthy. I mean, he drives a hearse! At this point, I was too annoyed for the use of sarcasm.

"Yeah, I'll work on it."

There was a look on his face, like he was holding something back. I might have questioned that if he gave me the chance.

"You know, Edwards..." I hated that he insisted on calling me that, "...You're not very convincing. I spend all this time editing your 'already perfect' essay and you just brush me off." He said jokingly, followed by one of his witty side smirks, like he even needed it.

I didn't even know what to say.

"I don't see your essay scattered on my kitchen table, Goldsworthy. "

He raised his eyebrows and shrugged, I already knew that he didn't do it. Something about his lack of interest towards anything other than the color black was unusually fascinating to me.

"Romeo and Juliet is not really my style Clare. I don't do romance." He said as he frantically re-arranged my papers. Was Eli Goldsworthy nervous? As I watched him pack his notebook and binders up my mind raced uncontrollably. Then his green eyes glared at my essay one final time, I wish I knew what he was thinking.

"I guess we're done, Edwards." I couldn't stop wondering what was going on in that mind of his. "We should maybe, you know, exchange numbers in-case I happen to get my essay finished tonight and need my English partner to edit it." There was that smirk again.

After Eli left I must have sat at that table for an hour, just thinking. Did he really just ask me for my number? He could have just waited until Monday for me to edit his essay. Does he actually want to hang out with me tomorrow? Maybe he really just needs someone to look over his English work. Maybe this is all in my head. There is no way I actually like Eli Goldsworthy...


	2. Chapter 3

Morning came sooner than usual today, 8:14 to be exact. On any other typical Saturday morning I would make breakfast as a last stitch effort in bringing my family back together, but not this morning. Right now, there was nothing I would rather do than lay in bed.

*0 unread messages*

I never liked cell phones, if it wasn't for my parents constant worry of my where abouts I wouldn't even bother to own one. What if he text me and it didn't go through? Or what if he forgot to click send? A loud bang interrupted my train of thought, who would be slamming my front door at eight in the morning?

"Mom? Where did Dad go?" She was watching the driveway from the side window, a look of disappointment on her face. This was all too familiar.

"He took another shift at work today Clare," She was trying her hardest to put on a brave face but I could see right through it. "You know what he is like. "

I could have questioned her, came right out and asked what was really going on, but it didn't even seem worth it anymore.

"I can make us breakfast, or we could go to the dot. I'm sure there's some special on today."

"I don't think so Clare, right now there is nothing I would rather do than lay in bed. "

Its like she read my mind. I must have stayed in bed for hours, just waiting. I get nervous during tests, and presentations, and sometimes in the moment when I realise just how many people are listening to me read my brutally honest essay. I knew the feeling all too well, but why was it over coming me now?

"Mom, I'm heading to The Dot." I called across the hallway, not expecting a reply back.

My Mom was becoming distant, not just from me but from everything. If you bottle things up, it will only get worse. I hear this every Tuesday at Prayer Circle. I guess I'm just as guilty. The Dot was dead, If I wasn't in such a glum mood the silence might have got to me, but today I didn't mind.

"I'll just have a blueberry muffin, with butter. And a small chocolate milk, please." I'm not even sure why they bother to ask anymore.

*0 unread messages* Even the waiter noticed the expression on my face drop, although it didn't seem to phase her. I was half way through my muffin when I nearly got my mind off this unreliable boy. I pushed my plate to the side and pulled out some long over due chemistry homework, not like I had anything better to do.

"Waiting for someone?" I turned around so fast I nearly dropped my chocolate milk.

"Eli? W-what are you doing here? " I was stuttering again, there was no way of hiding my very obvious anxiety.

He was already smiling, when he began to chuckle at my embarrassment. As he walked over to the counter, I found myself hoping so desperately that he would come sit next to me. I guess it paid off. He placed his cup of coffee over my textbook and took a seat without invitation.

"Coffee, really? " I taunted.

"Homework, really? " He called back almost instantly. I swear clever comments were this boys first language.

I just shook my head and smiled, but something told me he wanted more out of me than just a facial expression.

"Chemistry eh? That must mean your advanced for your grade, why doesn't that surprise me. " I sensed no sarcasm, and no witt. It wasn't even laced with one of those intoxicating side smirks he wears so well.

"Whats that supposed to mean, Goldsworthy? " I was just trying to lighten the mood, but i don't think he appreciated my use of his last name.

"It was a compliment Clare, you're smart. Maybe too smart," Was it not enough that Eli had to make my legs tremble and my hands shake, but also blush at ever word he said "You were right yesterday, your essay really didn't need my editing. I might have over exaggerated a few minor spelling mistakes, I'm sure you meant to spell 'infatuation' like that." I knew the lack of sarcasm was too good to be true.

"I guess we will just have to wait and see if your tutoring reflects my mark." I was often finding myself trying to make him smile.

I could have watched him sit there and drink his coffee for hours, fixing his hair at 30 second intervals, if it weren't for the waiter. She slammed the bill down on the table before I could even get a word in. I slowly sorted my papers and books and placed them in my bag, I don't even think Eli noticed until I went to check the bill. He nearly spilled his coffee when he grabbed my hand.

"Don't worry, I got it." I would have said no, argued until he gave in and let me pay but I was too preoccupied with the fact that he was still touching my hand.

"Sorry." He mumbled as he took his hand back.

I think awkward moment just linger around me, waiting for any moment to ambush a perfectly stable conversation I worked so hard at. Eli stood up, took his wallet out of his pocket and placed a ten dollar bill on the table.

"I'll see you Monday, Edwards." He added while he was fidgeting with his car keys.

I couldn't help but watch him walk out the doors, get into his car and drift around the nearest corner. I hated his reckless driving more than i hated his hearse. Someone needs to teach him that he is not invincible.


	3. Chapter 4

I left for school early, to avoid the never ending war my parents seem to fight every morning. I made sure each curl on my head fell perfectly in place and wore a tad more mascara than I would any other day, for other reasons than my parents, of course.

I locked my bike up against the fence, a morning ritual I've taken part in since the ninth grade. As I entered the parking lot a horrid sound filled my ears. Its what my dad would call "emo music" . I curiously followed the sound, something I would later regret. There was Eli and his darker-than-black hearse. It looked like it had broke down, I probably should have gone and helped him, or at least kept him company but something held me back, that same something that would ruin every good conversation I had going. I just leaned against the end of the fence and watched him. How he would constantly brush the hair out of his eyes using his arm to avoid getting grease on his face, he really knew what he was doing in there.

"Hey, Clare! " Alli nearly screamed at the top of her lungs, attracting not only my attension but also, with my luck, Eli's. Our eyes met for barely a second, but I swear every student in the premises of Degrassi High noticed the tension.

"Clare, you are as red as a tomato!" Alli was always brutally honest, sometimes I couldn't stand it.

"Um, I need to go get," I glanced back, he was leaning against his car staring in my direction. I could feel his piercing eyes from here, I quickly pulled myself together "My locker, I need to get my books from my locker. "

"You have some major explaining to do," Alli stated as we walked into the crowded halls of Degrassi. "Let's start with why emo boy is watching you like some sort of creep? "

It didn't take much to get her to stop harassing me with all these questions, in fact it only took one name; 'Drew'. My first period Math class consisted of more gossip than mathematical equations. By the end of the first week of Drew and Alli's relationship, I knew a lot more than I had ever wanted to.

"Meet me at my locker for lunch." Alli insisted "Its Monday, Chicken fingers at The Dot! "

I don't know how it even escaped my mind, we do this every Monday. "Oh, right, of course." I replied, just as the bell rang.

English was my favorite subject, I would rather be writing than doing anything else imaginable. Eli's presence only made that clearer to me. When I walked into the class I almost didn't notice that we had a supply teacher, I was more surprised at the fact that Eli was already there, silently sitting in his desk. I put my books on my desk and stood there for a moment, hoping he would turn around and reveal his boyish grin, but his eyes stayed focused on the chalk board ahead.

"Okay class," The supply began, only seconds later "My name is Mrs. James. I was left strict instructions for everyone to work with their assigned partners to make any last adjustments on your essays." Even with that Eli didn't budge.

I swallowed my pride and worked up the courage to get a conversation going. I leaned forward and nervously mumbled, "So, car problems this morning? "

He turned around, and at that moment I wish he hadn't. Showing no emotion what so ever, he effortlessly ignored my question, "I finished my essay last night, it doesn't need to be edited. "

"Is something wrong? D-did I say something? " I was stuttering again.

"I don't know what you're talking about. " He replied, without even bothering to turn around.

For the remaining 45 minutes, Eli just sat there. Even worse, so did I. How could it go from one extreme to another in less than two days? There is no way I had imagined it all, the flirting, the chemistry, he even paid for my breakfast for goodness sake... I guess this is what rejection feels like.


	4. Chapter 1

It has officially been one hour shy of three days since I had last seen Eli Goldsworthy. As much as I hated to admit it, I was really starting to worry about him. I woke up ten minutes late this morning, something I would later tell my mother was an accident in hopes that she would write me a note for school. There was snow on the ground, for the first time this year. I decided to leave my bike at home and walk today. I'm uncoordinated as it is, why push my luck.

*9:15 am* The bell rang ten minutes ago, that explains why the streets are so dead. The air had that 'new season smell' that I loved so much, and the snow made a delightful crunching noise beneath my feet. For a few short seconds, things didn't seem so bad. It was almost silent, other than the occasional car driving by. The sound of a welcome bell drew my attention over to 'Dianna's Flower Shop. " There was a dark haired, edgy looking boy carefully walking around the snow bank. I know what your all thinking, and unfortunately, you're completely correct. Eli was carrying a bouquet of flowers and suddenly everything started to make sense. He had a girlfriend. Acting on instinct, I jumped behind the nearest car to avoid an awkward 'who are the flowers for Eli? ' moment, or at least I tried. If the loud thump after slipping on ice and landing on my butt didn't attract Eli's attention, then the excruciating moan I let out after definitely did.

"Clare?" He very carefully set the flowers down on the hood of a car before helping me up. "Are you all right? What are you doing here? "

I pushed his arms away from me, no more saint Clare.

"I could say the same to you Eli. Oh, and nice flowers. "

I think I heard him mumble something as I walked away, but I'm still not sure what he had said. The rest of the walk to school consisted of fighting back tears, and avoiding patches of ice. When I finally arrived it was half way through math class. I placed the late slip on Mr. Dunn's desk and slowly sat down, hoping everyone would just ignore my existence. Everyone did, except Alli.

"Well would you look at that, Clare Edwards is late for school. Let me guess, make out session with mystery boy?" I could feel the warm tears filling up my eyes which I kept steady, focused ahead.

"I don't know what hurt most Alli, slipping on ice and falling on my butt or finding out Eli has a girlfriend."

I spilled everything to Alli, and I'm glad I did. This time, she didn't just listen to me talk, she really listened. By the end of Math class I had made up my mind. I would go to Mrs. Dawes as soon as she was back, and demand a new English partner. I'll just avoid any contact with Eli otherwise. The end of the day came sooner than I thought it would, considering the circumstances. When I arrived at my locker, my Chemistry text book suddenly didn't seem so important.

"Clare, can we talk?" Eli asked, although I knew he wasn't giving me an option.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the parking lot.

"where are we going Eli? You know I have to get home."

"I think its time we went for a ride." Suddenly Eli's creepy hearse and reckless driving was the least of my worries.

We drove for what seemed like forever. I didn't say a word until I finally realized where he was taking me.

"A cemetery Eli? God everyone really is right, you're obsessed with death!" I said half joking. He didn't take it so well.

As we walked through the path, passing tomb by tomb I started getting increasingly nervous. We stopped at a small grey headstone that read 'In Loving Memory, Julia Smith.' Then I noticed the flowers, the same ones he had bought this morning, resting on the top of the tomb. He leaned down and ran his fingers along the engraved writing, at that point I leaned down beside him.

"Eli, I didn't know..." I guess this is what guilt felt like.

He didn't say anything, if I wasn't 100% sure that he was an atheist, I would have thought he was praying. I gave him his space, but I think I needed it more than he did. Maybe a walk would clear my head, but that wasn't going to happen.

"Clare, don't leave..." Eli stood up and walked towards me. "I'm scared, all right. This is all happening so fast and... "

He looked like he was about to burst into tears, I think that's what stopped him from finishing his sentence.

"Eli, who's Julia? " I'm not entirely sure if I was even ready for the answer.

He leaned back down and took a deep breath.

"Hey Julia, I have a few more things to tell you today. I guess I'll start off by introducing you to Clare. She's my English partner, maybe I can actually pass this year, huh. You are probably up there worrying about me right now, you always worried about me. I'd tell you how scared I am if I wasn't completely sure that you already knew. But Clare doesn't. I miss you Jules... I always miss you, and I'm afraid that I might forget what that feels like. I don't want to forget you, or us... It's been a year as of last night, I know I should have came here then, it probably doesn't mean as much today but I just couldn't do it. My mom thinks I should see someone about it but how is a shrink supposed to understand something that I can't even explain. To be honest I feel better talking to you, or your tomb... I really hope this isn't going to hurt you, I hate when you're mad at me but I think I like Clare. I think I like her, the way I liked you Julia. I bet she thought the worst when she saw me buying those flowers." He laughed, almost desperately, but all I could do was watch him... "I just wanted you to know, Julia. You deserve that. I miss you."

We both stayed silent for a couple of minutes. I almost pinched myself, just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. When Eli stood up all I wanted to do was hug him, he was hurting and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

"I should probably get you home, the last thing I want is a bad impression on your parents." I thought I'd never see that smirk again.

"Eli, if you want to talk about this..."

Just then a strong wind blew through the cemetery. A warm wind. Eli rubbed his hands up and down my arms, warming me up as he embraced the sudden change in temperature.

"No, you know, I think I'm actually going to be all right."

I wrapped his arms around me as we walked out of the cemetery together.

I couldn't help but feel badly for Eli. The only person who has ever left my life is Darcy and well, shes still technically here. I know hes afraid, but so am I. I'm afraid of always having to come next to Julia, is that selfish of me? To feel like I'm constantly going to have to compete with Eli's dead girlfriend? I'm smart enough to know that time is all that can make this really happen, and I know I want this to really happen.


End file.
